My Past…
Family Background
When my father was three years old, he moved to Alaska because my grandfather decided to move his family up for work. Grandpa built roads all across Alaska, and the pay was decent. My father was also one of seven children; the McFarland household was always full and bustling with action. In the beginning years though, it wasn’t even that, a “household”— my dad, his six other siblings, and both of his parents lived inside a trailer for the first few years of their lives in Alaska. It wasn’t until a few years after their arrival that they were able to build their own house and leave their trailer days behind them.
My mother, on the other hand, was born and raised in Alaska, and has lived there her whole life. Her and her brother lived with their mother and father until they were about eleven and twelve; their parents divorced and both kids went to live with my grandmother. Years later, when my mom was in her teenage years, my grandma remarried to another man, my grandpa Lanny; and thus the blended family on my mother’s side was born. Lanny had four children with his previous wife (who had passed away due to medical reasons when they were young), and so now much like my father, my mother was a part of a large family.
As far as where all of those kids ended up, there is a fairly even split down the middle: nearly all of my family on my mothers side left Alaska and are now living in the lower forty-eight, while those that are on my father’s side chose to stay in Alaska. This meant that I grew up around primarily only my father’s side of the family, though on my mothers side we had frequent family reunions over the years, and I saw that set of grandparents and extended family about once every two years.
Early Childhood
Belonging to such a massive family, from both my mother’s and father’s sides, instilled strong familial values on me from a young age. There was never a holiday that passed in my childhood that I wasn’t surrounded by my family. Additionally, out of all of those kids on my dad’s side he was the first to have children, making me the very first grandchild and niece on my father’s side. I was absolutely adored by them, showered with love and affection, and that continued even after my cousins and little brother came into the world and I was no longer the only grandkid. I have been very blessed in my life to have been born to the parents that I have and have experienced the love that my family has given me my entire life. Without a doubt it has left a lasting impression on me in my adulthood.
My family was not the only thing that influenced my development in my early years; growing up in the massive, beautiful, and extreme state that is Alaska has left its mark on me in more ways than I can really say. From as far back as I can remember, my dad has taken me with him on fishing trips all over the state, at all times of the year. He was never really into big game hunting like his brothers were, but we did frequently go grouse hunting in the fall together. There also was never a summer in my childhood where I was not scooped up and put on the front or back of a four wheeler (ATV/quads for any non-Alaskans) and taken on adventures through the woods across the street from my childhood home. In my middle-childhood and teenage years, my father even bought my brother and I all sorts of outdoor off-roading vehicles; he would take the two of us out and we would all drive the trails by my house together. I grew up seeing the mountains in the distance every day, being surrounded by the pure beauty of my home state, and constantly reminded of the power that nature has over our world. My summers were filled with outdoor adventures and the midnight sun, while my winters consisted of puffy coats, sledding down snowy slopes, and witnessing the endless stars above me as the northern lights danced their way across the sky.
I also grew up hearing my grandma tell stories of her own life and childhood back in California. I knew that was where part of my family originated from, but was never really exposed to it or able to experience it until I was much older. She would tell stories of the old days, movies that cost only a nickel to see, roller skating, and her summers spent with her own grandmother. My grandpa on my father’s side was Californian Indian, and he passed that down to all of his children, and his children down to theirs, making us all a part of the Picayune Rancheria of the Chukchansi Indians. Almost as soon as I was born, my parents filled out the application to get me registered and accepted into the tribe. As a kid, what I learned about the tribe and my ethnicity came from my family; most of which was fused with an air of frustration or anger. This was because of several significant disputes within the tribe that had lasting effects on its adult members and elders, as well as a sense of helplessness and disconnection from the rest of my family because of how far away from the tribe they lived. The general aura of negativity that seemed to be connected to anything having to do with my tribal ethnicity led me to develop a sense of indifference towards that part of my heritage, and it was not until I was much older that I truly came to appreciate what a blessing being a part of the tribe is for me and my family, and how appreciative I should really be.
…Shaped Who I Am…
Reflections; Current Day Me
I can say now as an adult, my childhood was very privileged, and I have been extremely blessed with the cards I have been dealt. My family never struggled financially, as both my parents worked very hard to ensure my brother and I had everything we ever needed. I was born into an incredible family who loved me and taught me a plethora of life lessons that I will cherish forever. Most of my family also has been blessed with good health, although I am no stranger to loss. One of my uncles, my grandfather on my dad’s side, and my grandmother on my mom’s side have all passed, and although it was hard I understand that death is a part of life, and that grief is born out of the love you had for those you have lost and is a reminder to be grateful for the time you shared with them.
If I did struggle, it was more so in upholding the expectations I knew were placed upon me. Some of them I moved past with age, such as always being charged with looking after my younger brother until my parents came home on school days, or setting the example for the younger family members as we were growing up. Others, however, I have not yet fully conquered yet. I will be the first (and possibly only) grandchild on my father’s side to work their way through a college education. Ever since I was little I knew that it was expected of me to go to graduate from college. My education was a huge priority, and its importance was pressed into me by not just my parents, but my whole family. As I grew older I came to understand that they just wanted what’s best for me and my future, as I had heard countless times that I was, “too smart” to not get a college education. Regardless, that looming expectation had and has put a lot of pressure on my shoulders in the past, especially in my highschool years.
I’ve come to understand that a person’s personal struggles, although challenging at times, can be used to benefit them in the long run. No one can see into the future, but what we can do is learn from the past, and the experiences that have brought us to where we are today. I am proud to say that because of my past, I have grown into a caring, responsible, dependable, dedicated, and hardworking person. I value my education and actively push myself to perform to the best of my ability. This year I have spent the most time away from my family than I ever have before, yet I still have ensured that I maintain a close bond with them over the distance. It is my belief that without my own struggles or the expectations that had been placed on me growing up, I wouldn’t be the same person I am today.
It is my hope that I continue to grow with these core values, and use them as tools to help guide me in the future with my decisions, specifically concerning my career. As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to spend my life helping people. I knew that that was what I was passionate about; it gave me a sense of purpose and fulfillment, and it was and is what I felt that I was meant to do. As far as how though, I have always been uncertain.
…And Who I Will Become
Hopes for the Future
Ultimately, I’d like it if this class could help me come to a decision about my future career path, or even my current degree. As of right now, I am approximately halfway through my bachelors in psychology. After the end of this semester, I need to come to a decision on several things, but mainly I am still unsure as to what field of psychology I want to pursue. I’d like to base my decision on how best I can use my skills to help people in the future, but that is such a broad statement that I have problems narrowing it down to specifics. I have always had an interest in psychology, and picked up on it rather quickly, but as far as what direction I would like to go with it in the long term, I am still at a loss for.
With that being said, after looking into the ethics of social work on the very surface level, it seems to be exactly what I have been searching for. From what I understand, social work in its entirety is based upon uplifting, advocating for, and helping those in need. Mental health and clinical social work, mental health and substance use social work, and child welfare are all fields of social work that I have a particular interest in learning more about, and I hope that during the course of this class we will delve deeper into each of those areas of work.
Concluding Thoughts
Although I, like many others, do not have a clear vision of where my future will take me, I do have the confidence in myself to know that wherever I end up I have been equipped with the tools I need to ensure my happiness and personal success. No one is able to know what will be thrown at them, and that is okay; life isn’t about having a clear cut path to the end goal. It’s about all of the ups and downs, challenges and triumphs, milestones and little moments that you have along the way, and what you are able to learn from each of those experiences. Through it all, each person grows into their own version of themselves, and I know that I have plenty of growth yet still.
Matti Sperry
Hello, Kelsey!
I loved the aesthetic of your blog post. You put it together so beautifully. It was so interesting to read about your families; hearing about what a large family you had and what it was like to have a blended family. I absolutely adore learning about different styles of family life.
I’m a psychology major, as well. However, I’m only in my first semester. Any advice?
I hope social work turns out to be the path you were looking for, or at least, helps show you the path you want.
Kelsey McFarland
Hello Matti!
Thank you for the kind words! I did my best with the layout but I’m definitely still learning and working out the kinks; all in due time!
As far as tips for psychology, I’ve been out of the game for awhile as I’m just returning this year myself after the pandemic, but I’d say firstly, find a study method that works for you, and secondly, if it’s possible, try to join some psych clubs! I know UAF had one a few years ago, but if you aren’t in the Fairbanks area maybe look around your location and see if anything pops up!
Welcome to the start of your college journey!
Noor Shubair
Hey Kelsey,
I really liked reading your blog.
I thought that the fact that your dad put so much effort into getting his kids to explore your home state is very beautiful. Lots of families live here and don’t really get a chance to appreciate Alaska’s beauty. Also, I know what it’s like to feel a disconnect from family and ethnicity due to distance. My parents moved our immediate family here, and left their home country behind. I also ended up feeling an indifference to most parts of my family’s culture because of it. I am so glad that you were over able to overcome that feeling, and came to appreciate your own standing in your tribe.
On another note, I feel that your interest in social work, being based on uplifting, advocating for, and helping people in need, is really remarkable. I hope that a fitting future career path comes to you soon.
Kelsey McFarland
Thank you Noor! I’m glad that you found my post relatable, it makes me feel better in a way knowing someone else out there shares some of the same feelings I have had, even if our situations are different. Also, I’m grateful to my dad for including my brother and I on his adventures throughout the state… many wonderful childhood memories have been made that I will cherish forever. 🙂