A Journey into the Silent Battlefields of Men’s Mental Health by Coach Dave Shelton
Navigating the pages of Terrence Real’s “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” is akin to embarking on a deeply personal journey, uncovering the silent and often overlooked narratives of men’s mental health. It unearths the warriors within, each battling their own inner demons, echoing the silent symphony of struggle and resilience through the pages with profound resonance.
I entered the realm of Real’s work armored with societal doctrines, bearing witness to the silent echo of unspoken stories of men, including my own. My beliefs, shaped and molded by societal decree, held that a man’s strength lay in his silence, his ability to weather storms without falter. Yet, as Real’s revelations unfurled before me, every narrative cracked the edifice of these embedded beliefs.
I was ushered into a sanctuary of the unspoken – a space where emotions, masked and restrained by societal constructs, found their voice. In Real’s articulate unraveling of the male psyche, the silent forest of warriors, each battling their unique yet collectively shared struggles, came into poignant focus.
I recognized a reflection of my journey – a passage marked by silent battles, where the expression of emotions was a treacherous terrain. The societal dictum – men don’t cry, don’t falter, and certainly, don’t talk about it – was a mantra echoing the corridors of my existence.
Yet, Real’s exploration into the heart of men’s mental health chiseled away at these engraved norms. Each narrative, every shared experience within the book’s pages, unveiled the silent struggles and uncovered the warriors within – not invincible, but profoundly human.
As a budding social worker, the teachings of individuality and the resonance of unspoken narratives were familiar terrains. Yet, Real’s insights weaved these teachings into a lived experience, propelling me into the silent battlegrounds of the souls I would encounter.
Men’s mental health, as detailed in Real’s seminal work, is not a fortress of invincibility but a landscape marked by silent warriors, each bearing the scars of their unvoiced battles. In the intricate dance of diagnosis, the distinct journeys of men and women through mental health struggles come into sharp focus.
Women, nurtured within societal spaces that embrace the expression of emotion, navigate these terrains with a language shaped by societal sanction. Men, however, are often ensnared within the silent symphonies of stoicism, where emotional expressions are veiled, and mental struggles resonate within unspoken echoes.
Yet, amidst these silent struggles lies the potency of transformation. Strategies for unveiling the silent symphonies are manifold – from initiating open conversations seeking professional help to the collective advocacy for systemic change that resonates with the unique notes of men’s mental health narratives.
In my personal journey, the unmasking of these silent struggles was a passage through personal upheavals. The dissolution of my marriage was the crucible, the silent battleground where the warriors within emerged – not invincible but deeply human. Therapy was the sanctuary where silent echoes found their voice, where suppressed emotions breached the confines of societal constructs.
“I Don’t Want to Talk About It” was more than a book – it was a passage, a journey through the silent corridors of personal and collective male experience. Every page was a revelation, an unveiling of the silent warriors – the men who, like me, navigate the unspoken terrains of mental health.
As I stand amidst the silent forests of others’ souls, Real’s work is the compass. Each narrative, every unveiled emotion, is a tapestry of unspoken symphonies – echoing the collective yet profoundly personal journey of men’s mental health. In the silent echoes, in the unvoiced battles, lies our undefinable, uncontainable, undeniable humanity.
Tesha Hudson
Hi David,
I enjoyed reading your blog. I believe men’s mental health is just as important as it is for women. Unfortunately, middle aged white men are the most often to commit suicide. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 69.68% of suicides in 2021 were men. It’s sad that “boys/men don’t cry” is engrained at such a young age nowadays. I think men are not as willing to seek therapy due to the negative stigma that surrounds it. As future social workers, hopefully we can trail-blaze the way to ending stigmas such as this one.
Ariel Oviatt
Hello David,
The wording you chose gave me a vivid depiction of how touching this was for you to read, and I have a great deal of respect for that. Everyone has likely heard the phrase, ‘be a man’, at one point or another, and it speaks to the ongoing narrative that boys/men are not supposed to have visible feelings, much less talk about them out loud, and DEFINITLY not with other men. It is highly important that both men and women can understand the struggles of one another so that we can help others form compassionate and meaningful solutions for themselves. After having been on the receiving end of therapy already (or at least that’s what I thought I read), do you think you took anything new away from this read, or is there anything that resonated more than something else?
Myah Sundby
Hey David! I hope you’re doing well. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed reading your recent blog post. It was so refreshing to see someone tackle the important topic of men’s mental health with such honesty and vulnerability. Your personal story really resonated with me, and I think it will with a lot of other people, too. It’s frustrating that not enough people are talking about this issue, but I truly believe that your words have the power to make a difference. Thanks for spreading such an inspirational message.
Noor Shubair
Hey David,
I really liked your blog, you make a lot of good points, and the images you chose were appropriate. I can see how much this book resonated with you.
I’ve always been aware of the issue with men’s mental health being overlooked, even by men themselves. I’ve found that men usually look for validation from other men. So when a man realizes that he has issues with being emotionally stunted, but he is surrounded by men who are the same, but unaware, the first guy usually ends up keeping it to himself. They want to fit in, and rather than becoming emotionally intelligent and get shamed, they pretend to stay as they are to fit in. It ends up becoming a cycle that is difficult to break. My father had this mindset, and even though we left him behind three years ago, and got a therapist, my brother still has issues with this mentality. It’s so commonplace and so destructive.
Daisy Wesley
Hi David,
I enjoyed reading your blog.
Growing up I’ve lived around a lot of men who bottled their emotions until they either exploded or have committed suicide. Reading your blog just brought so much emotions and it’s crazy how I never realized how much men in my family never really share their emotions.
Your blog is really understanding and I love it!