My birthday is November 22nd. Every year I share my birthday with my twin sister. Every few years I share it with Thanksgiving. Growing up I felt like I always got less than I deserved for my birthday. In elementary school I viewed birthdays as the one day a year when each kid got to be celebrated for just being them. I watched as the other kid’s parents brought in snacks for the whole class and everyone paid attention to the birthday kid the whole day. My birthday more often than not fell on a day when we did not have school due to Thanksgiving. For the few occasions when it did, I always had to share that celebration with my sister which I was not happy about.
Because our birthday was so close to (or on) Thanksgiving weekend, we never really got to have birthday parties on the weekends with our friends like a lot of kids did. If our birthday was on Thanksgiving then we would get to blow out candles from the pumpkin pie. I was always upset that we didn’t have our own cake. I hated Thanksgiving food and having to go for an hour drive to my uncle’s house to spend the whole day there with a bunch of people I barely knew and only saw for the holidays. There were good things in it that I enjoyed, like seeing my cousins, but the strongest emotions in my memories of Thanksgiving as a child are jealousy, dread, and anger.
After starting high school I began to be more okay being like my sister and sharing things with her. Getting our own rooms in middle school might have jumpstarted that process. We have always been extremely close and always loved and cared for each other more than anything else, but I grew up feeling like I was always grouped together with her in people’s minds. We were always referred to as ‘the twins’ and often received gifts to share instead of our own. Casi has generally always been smarter than me when it comes to math and subjects involving it. She was put in accelerated math in 5th grade while I continued on the normal track. I felt like that made me second. So not only did I have to share my birthday with Thanksgiving, but I had to share it with someone I was always trying to be better than.
I moved to Fairbanks when I was 17 for college and since then I haven’t been home for more than three weeks at a time. Since then my sister and I try to be more similar to feel connected. I got my nose pierced after she did. We have three matching tattoos. She bought me new fireweed xtratuffs for my birthday because I mentioned I liked hers and she wanted to match. It’s the opposite of what it used to be. I go home a few times a year and usually it is just for a few days. As an adult I now get to choose when to go home, what I want to do while there, and where I go for Thanksgiving.
“You guys were a great team together growing up, always looking out for each other.”
– My dad
I never really thought about Thanksgiving for what it is, a time to acknowledge the things you are thankful for. To me it was just a holiday filled with obligations. It was something that often took away from things I felt like I had a right to, like birthday parties with friends on my actual birthday. In the last few years my views on it have changed a lot. I have learned to separate my birthday from Thanksgiving, regardless of them falling on the same day sometimes. Now it is an opportunity to take a break during a stressful time of year. I get to go home and see my sister and family. I spend it at my older sister’s playing board games, getting tattoos, and having fun with people I love and want to be around. I have learned to be grateful for Thanksgiving and take the time to appreciate the good things in my life. I use the time to make gifts for my family, help them how I can, and mindfully acknowledge the positive things.
Abbigale Wheeler
Hey Katherine! I really liked your blog this week and I most definitely relate to you on the childhood feeling of wanting to be different than your siblings and to be your own individual person rather than just always being lumped in together with them. I also sympathize with your childhood feeling of jealousy and frustration of sharing your birthday with someone else but even more with sometimes sharing your birthday with a holiday. My brother was born on Christmas and therefore shared his birthday with arguably the biggest holiday of the year. I could see how this affected him growing up and as a child I was somewhat relieved to not share this same predicament with him. I liked reading about how you evolved over time and started to be thankful for the similarities between you and your sister rather than resenting them. It is always really refreshing to loo back on our childhoods and see how much we have grown.
Katherine LeBlanc
I feel like for children having to share your birthday with a holiday is a lot to have to deal with. I can only imagine how overwhelming that would be when sharing your birthday with Christmas. It takes a lot of maturity to come to terms with it and the flexibility required to celebrate your birthday. I am thankful that my birthday is only on Thanksgiving every few years, and not every year like Christmas would be. If my birthday were on Christmas then honestly I would probably need a lot more self reflection and effort to be okay with it. It is nice to see my personal growth on this topic and how I have come to terms to with it and created ways to celebrate both my birthday and Thanksgiving in a way I am content with.
Hailey Luder
Hi Katherine, great blog! Firstly, I love all the personal photos you put in there, and the quote from your dad, I thought they were both really cute additions. Wanting to feel individual and not part of a set is something I think a lot of kids feel, and I totally sympathize. Both of my brother’s birthdays are January 3rd and 4th, and it can sometimes be hard on them having birthdays only a day apart and also so close to Christmas. I am sorry that you were unhappy on so many of your birthdays, and I hope that in the future your days are only everything you’d like. Thank you for your contribution this week!
Katherine LeBlanc
Growing up I have realized that most people don’t have a ‘perfect’ birthday and everyone has to be flexible to have the day or celebration they want. As a kid you just focus on how everyone else has it better than you as opposed to acknowledging what you do have. Now a days I am content with my birthday and sharing it with my twin and having it so close to Thanksgiving or sometimes on it.