I yam fifty-six years old and finally finishing a degree I began when I was eighteen, and attending UAF. I live in Walla Walla, Washington, but was raised in North Pole, Alaska. I spent nearly thirty years getting intimate with an incredible land truly like no other, and the multitudes of layers needed to survive it. Alaska is a land that will teach you respect the hard way. However, I like to say, “If the cold weather doesn’t take my breath away, the Auroras will.”
These days I reside in Walla Walla, Washington. Or, for Alaskans, the Lower 48. I still have family in North Pole, but I can no longer endure the cold winters, so I moved back to my other hometown.
I have worked at our historical Jonathan M. Wainwright Memorial VA Medical Center for the last five and a half years, and within our Mental Health department for the last two years. I serve as Advanced Medical Support for over 20 different Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Pharmacists, Nurses, and Social Workers in every type of field you can imagine. But more importantly, I love to serve our Veterans.
One particular SW specialty I have been drawn to is SI/HI Crisis. The suicide rate for Veterans has been thoroughly documented to be higher than non-veteran rates. You can find one peer-reviewed article after another, and they will all say the same thing:
Suicide among Veterans is more than twice that of non-veterans.
IMAGE: Eric Dunham
My little brother Eric was a Navy man during Operation Desert Storm following in the footsteps of our Grampa Dunham. He only served one tour and then moved home to learn how to make wine with our dad, Michael. (Dunham Cellars). I moved to Alaska when I was 16 (May 23, 1984), and did not return home until the year our dad died of cancer in 2013. Then, our estranged mother died of cancer on September 23, 2014. Then, Eric committed suicide on October 23, 2014, with a gunshot to the head. Yes, it was a long couple of years for us all.
Some wonder how I survived all that trauma. But this is where I can be truly thankful for the multiple disciplines I endured surviving in Alaska. And for the family that adopted me unconditionally adding their strength to my own.
IMAGE: Our crazy family in front of our little log house in North Pole, Alaska.
Our Mental Health Department at the VA is very busy, as are most VA Clinics and Hospitals around the USA. Having worked onsite for the last six years, I have gotten to know our Veterans and their families, friends, and caregivers. The staff at the VA all have one goal in common, to serve our Veterans and provide a safe place for them to get help.
One story of a special Veteran (I will call Paul), comes in frequently to meet with our Crisis SW. He is vocal about his suicidal ideologies whenever we speak on the phone or when he has an appointment. He rolls into our office in his wheelchair and calls my coworker and I by the nicknames he has assigned us very affectionately. Of course, I am “Michelle Belle.”
Well, one day Paul rolled into our lobby with tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he explained that he had been struggling since his little dog had died. He went on to say that he was deeply thankful for the words of hope and love I gave him when he called the other day sharing the story of his best friend and pal. Paul then opened up the backpack he carries with him everywhere and handed me a long piece of thick nylon rope. I asked him why and what for and he just said, “It’s my hangin’ rope. I want you to have it so that I won’t.”
I could already fill page after page of story after story of lives I have borne witness to while working at the VA. Stories of trauma, terror, and torture. Military Sexual Trauma. Amputations. Brain injuries, etc. Just this last October 10, 2023, a Veteran walked inside the VA campus and committed suicide with a gun right across from the Children’s Museum. Many of us knew this Veteran and all were grieving. Our department was hit hard with so many wanting answers and even more, they wanted, and needed hope.
Social Work is to be my function, not just merely my title. For our Veterans who come to the VA, they are looking for resources. Looking for help. For someone to stop the spinning merry-go-round they are on running the obstacle course of bureaucratic red tape. Someone to advocate on their behalf.
I am confident that much of the needed foundations for my Social Work future have already been laid. However, as I began to embark on this journey, I have become more aware of the internal challenges I face and must overcome to be effective in my calling. I struggle with patience as I see staff working incredibly hard to help, only to see that help rejected. An old cliche, but true, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” How do you help someone who refuses that help?
My answer is simple. For now anyway. I just love them. Loving is easy. Like, is not required. Jussayin.
Sarai Gomez
Michelle,
Reading the experience you had with the veteran who gave you his “hanging rope” impacted me. I handle referrals, medication, prior authorizations, and other care for veterans, I have seen firsthand how difficult it is for Veterans to receive care. whether its to get seen by a primary care provider, to seek mental health services, or even something as simple as medication refills is incredibly slow. It is not uncommon for Veterans to fall through the cracks. I also like the quote at the end, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” offering help and having people refuse it is hard to watch.
Robi Naranjo
Hi Michelle, congrats on finishing your degree! My mom lived in a really old log cabin just like that in NP too, such a small world that would be crazy if it was the same one. I’m so sorry to hear about your Father and your brother. It sounds like you have gained so much wisdom and insight from your work and personal life experience that you would be an asset at any workplace. Love for people and offering hope is so needed right now. I’m excited to hear more from you and thank you for sharing.
Sharla Huckabey
Michelle,
Your story is very touching. My condolences to you and your losses. Losing both of your parents is an experience that hurts forever. I can’t imagine the pain you experienced over the loss of your brother. I have to say your story brought tears to my eyes.
I love your path for helping veterans in their time of need. I am so glad you were able to speak to Paul that day to help him deal with his trauma just a little easier. Your love for the work shines in your first blog. Keep on; you are doing great things to help those who need you most.
I look forward to reading more of your blogs.
Ian Miller
Michelle, I am happy to know that our veterans have someone with your passion for the work working for them. Your resilience and strength is an inspiration to them, and everyone you work with. Looking forward to working with you more throughout the course.
Simone Smith
Michelle, Your blog is so inspiring. From reading it, I can see what Prof Stettler means when he says we will learn the most from sharing with each other. We have a lot in common, I’m 51 returning back to get a degree in Social Work and have split my time between Alaska and Washington. I so appreciate your passion to help veterans as I’ve seen first hand the generational trauma that’s caused by what they’ve gone through. Your answer; to just love them, was so moving. I feel the same about the people who check into the treatment center I work at as peer support. No matter what they say or what they’ve done, I see their humanity and I just love them. Here’s to just loving our way to real change.
Maren Chaffee
Michelle, I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your parents and your brother. The grief from such losses is immense, and the fact that you’ve channeled this into aiding others is truly admirable. Your work provides critical support to those in need, reflecting the courage and love born out of your own experiences. Thank you for turning your personal trials into a passionate commitment to help others.