My name is Robi. 7 years ago I found myself in a dual diagnosis treatment center for drug addiction. i had been to outpatient and detox many times before that. I had also been in jail, psych ward, suboxone program. Many doctors, councilors tried to help me as I bounced in and out of the system. Being homeless and abandoning my husband and children had become my default setting.
I was born 40 years ago to two half native Alaskan parents, both of my Grandmothers were Native, both my Grandfathers were white, I didn’t know my Grandfathers. Both of my parents are addicts and my Moms, mom was my main caregiver for a long time. She got sober the day I was born and was the only person in either side of my family who didn’t drink or use. She grew up in a boarding school and taught me and my sister the importance of our cultural traditions and language because hers were stripped from her for a long time. She took us to every fiddle festival, potluck, Gwitch,in gathering, bingo . we participated in dances, songs, art and beading programs. Her and my Aunties would speak Gwitchin all the time. She really made us feel loved and valued. when She died it left my sister and I with a mother who was struggling with addiction and we were not being cared for. My Father was also in and out of jail and an alcoholic also so I was on my own. I got kicked out when I was 14 into the streets of Fairbanks. I was often picked up by police and OCS would try to get involved but I protected my mother every time. The streets were scary sometimes, I witnessed people getting jumped, robbed, sexual assaults, trafficking. A few friends were murdered. I got to see and understand peoples motives or reasons for being there. With the help of a social service program I got my first apartment at 15. FNA Family Focus helped me get into the workforce so I could take care of myself. I started working at 15, got my GED at 16, maintained housing, and a vehicle and was doing really well until I tried oxycontin for the first time in 2000. An elderly neighbor had given me a handful for some pain I was having, I figured they were like Tylenol 3, or ibuprofen. They made me puke at first then I felt great, like it took away all pain, physical and emotional. A few weeks after using them, I knew something was very wrong when I left town for a couple days and got deathly sick. My boyfriend said, “That’s withdrawal, your dope sick.” That was the beginning of my 17 year addiction to opiates, heroin, eventually cocaine, crack, meth etc..
I got married in 2005, I would have 6 children. but my life had spiraled into madness., I would have a moments of sobriety or abstinence but it never lasted. I couldn’t trust anyone and I figured I should just stay away from my husband and children so I don’t ruin their lives too. By happenstance, in 2006, a divine trainwreck of a year, I ended up in inpatient treatment for the first time. I spent 9 months there learning about addiction, addressing trauma, learning how to function and cope with life’s challenges in a healthy way. My trauma councilor was a lady in her 70.s and she was also a masters of social work. She knew so much about intergenerational trauma and she just had a second sight about her,like an eagles eye view of society and the world as a whole. She had a way of making me question my own beliefs and could gently change my perceptions that were keeping me sick. She had a way of having me take actionable steps toward recovery and taking a different look at my life, choices, parents, grandparents, addiction in my family, what I wanted for my children, my culture. She had so much compassion and grace for me, even when I wasn’t a lovable person she showed me she cared for me, that I was worth something as a human and that healing was possible.
One day she planted a seed in me, I didn’t know it was a seed until it started growing. She told me,” Robi, you are going to heal, then you are going to get back with your family and foster healing in your family, then you can get back into the community and foster healing in your community.” Today I have 5 years clean and have a peace and stability I never thought was possible then. I got to reunite with my family, have learned how to be a mother, wife, friend, I have always seen the immense darkness present in the world but powerless to do anything about it, now I have the opportunity to go to school and I want to become an addiction and behavioral health social worker. I’ve got a desire to see people get resources they need, healing and communities restored.
Sarai Gomez
Robi,
I applaud you!! Thank you for sharing. It is truly inspirational reading your story. Intergenerational trauma is difficult to work through. I don’t have much to say other than I admire your choices to get clean and return to your family. I wish you all the best.
Robi Naranjo
thank you, I wish you the best also!
Josh Fine
Hi Robi! Thank you for reading my post and being so uplifting in you comment. Reading yours…I’m just amazed. You had so many challenges from such a young age and yet here you are. The resiliency and ability to persevere that you have is unbelievable. I believe that lived experience has a kind of “X factor” when helping others, I think that you will do great things when you reach your goal. Congratulations on your 5 years, it takes dedication to put up big-time numbers like that.
Robi Naranjo
Thank you for your comment and congrats on your recovery too! I think your right about the experience with helping others, I noticed I could really open up to the peers and therapists that had also been through treatment and seeing them in recovery. like the person who ran the first 4 minute mile, until then people didn’t think it was possible, then it became common.
Ian Miller
Robi, you rock. Kicking a SU addiction is so hard, I am proud of you. But I hope the pride you feel in yourself, and seeing your life’s opportunities unfold is all the validation you need.
My degree path was 100% directed towards addiction treatment, being a recovering addict I thought that was the only logical step. I found that I have a lot of feelings working with people in addiction, it is triggering and hard. At least for now I took a career detour that has less familiarity. That is my tale, and not necessarily yours.
Robi Naranjo
Thank you! I’m so proud of you too! I do feel so grateful, not everyone makes it to recovery. I’ve got a lot of friends and family still in addiction and plan to work at our local treatment center, so I know what you mean about it being triggering and hard. I’ve had to really instill good boundaries and assess my strengths and weaknesses and keep assessing them and be willing to keep my recovery a priority.
Ian Miller
Boundaries are such a magical thing. I wish they would have an entire year of elementary school dedicated to teaching us how to use them and respect them properly.
Neveah Reese
Good on you Robi! I also grew up in and around environments that had alcohol and drug abuse. It caused a lot of the same intergenerational traumas, but also showed me how strong people can be. I personally have not had addiction struggles, but I have witnessed people very close to me fall and then pull themselves back up. Each story is unique and beautiful just like yours. There is always a calm in the storm, and I believe you have found yours. I love how you shared that a seed was planted, but you didn’t know until it started growing. That resonated with me because that’s how I have been feeling working through my BA program. Each semester I learn about new opportunities, issues in my community (I was also born and raised in Fairbanks), and continue to find my voice and passion more and more. The things I have seen and conquered in my short life thus far has shown me that people are resilient when they are heard, supported, and cared for. This is why I want to be that person of guidance for them.
Congratulations on your five years of sobriety and cheers to many more!
– Neveah
Robi Naranjo
That is so cool that you were born and raised in Fairbanks, and have that eye for your communities needs and see so much opportunity! I want to find my voice and passion also, its exciting to hear about how you have grown in school and I’m hoping it unfolds for me like that also! I think your are right, people are resilient when they are heard, supported and cared for, so nice to meet you!
Neveah Reese
I’m sure it’ll unfold exactly how it’s supposed to. It was great to meet you as well!
Mel Maendel
Hi Robi.
Thank you for sharing your story and hard work and hardships with us. As someone who comes from a family who struggles with addiction, I must say you are very strong and that is a very big accomplishment. Addiction is not a easy thing to overcome. here is to the future!!
Robi Naranjo
Thanks for your kind words and here’s to our futures!