Am I Evolving?

Ever since my first memory I have changed countless times, but it can be hard to gauge if it’s for better or worse. I was born in New York and raised there until i was 11 years old. I am 3/4 German and 1/4 Italian, with my German roots being especially strong genetically and by name. It’s a heritage I am proud of personally despite not giving it as much thought, because I otherwise see myself as more American than anything else. Which is partially why it was an interesting change to now be living in Alaska. New York is a big place, and yet Alaska is so much larger metaphorically and literally. Constantly I see people on their four wheelers or snow machines on trails or next to public roads. I became one of those people soon after witnessing something foreign despite being fellow Americans.

I evolved by diving into something I knew nothing about and something I was inherently uncomfortable doing. Now I really enjoy riding as a recreational activity. Which only served as fuel to continue growing and what I hope one would define as evolving. Taking this class is one such decision to continue evolving, since it’s a bit half and half into dedication and the unknown. I was very outgoing at a young age and it was the same during most of middle school, but when I was 14 it changed a bit. I went to a small middle and high school and I basically knew everyone and made the friends I was going to make. So maybe it was less of a social thing than I originally thought, but back then these were my thoughts. I ended up evolving again when my high school allowed work applications for construction or landscaping at all the schools in the Matsu Valley over the summer. I figured this was a good opportunity to grow since I really didn’t want to apply, but I did and it was one of the better choices I made in my life. I landed the landscaping job with two other coworkers and became good friends with someone I never thought I would and my other coworker was already my friend. I had a really good boss, and I learned a lot through work ethic, being social and talking to people, and learning how to operate a ton of landscaping equipment. I got to go to places I have never been like Talkeetna and our lunch breaks were us sometimes eating at basically tourist locations or hanging out in the work vehicle. Overall it was a huge moment for me all summer having fun, learning, and getting paid for it.

That however was not exactly a shift for me mentally in terms of what I wanted to be. I ended up finding that since I was 13 people found they could talk to me about their problems and that I can articulate my own issues very well. So going into the field of psychology was something I felt I wanted to do; not research really, just the more social aspects of the spectrum. If I had to define a moment that really changed that for me was when I was 14 and going through hard times and my friend Kaden was there for me. We exchanged our issues and he said I helped him a lot by simply listening and sharing, but something he said specifically was “you always seem to know what to say”. This is something I still think about, since my mother is good at talking to people too. I grew up around using words as a tool for aid. Which is still something I practice today, and honestly it can be mentally taxing and I’m trying to work on that type of stamina.

I am not a very religious person whatsoever, in fact I think religion causes way more problems than it should. But this is simply a personal opinion and I don’t knock religion either. I myself believe myself to be a Buddhist, in the sense that I do not wish to spread the message exactly. I believe in being my best self and working to always improve myself in every sense of the word. Which I think is a fitting sort of synonym for evolution. My life has not been easy but I know somebody always has it far worse, but before I could mature and understand this I was a very angry child. I wasn’t a bully by any means, I was very resistant and combative during school. However, once I moved to Alaska and was starting middle school, I knew things needed to change. I was shifting into a much nicer person, but I was still a class clown. Despite this, I was able to find that I was actually a good student who could achieve really good grades if I would just stay quiet more often, and I think I was able to find a balance between the two. I am not political at all, I know the state of the world and this country is important and maybe it’s selfish to say this but I have more pressing issues in a day by day basis as I learn to be an individual adult. I attempt to hone the highest regard of discipline through exercise which I do enjoy, but I am currently overweight ever since covid and staying indoors. This makes exercise a lot more difficult than before and I have may challenges with losing weight right now unfortunately. I still stay on the grind however, and I keep up on keeping my home clean and taking my health into far more consideration. I do have a group of friends that I play video games online with and I am taking college courses full time at the moment.

All in all, I want to continue working on my own social skills by continuing to go out of my comfort zone, while continuing to be the best version of myself that I can be. While I also need to find innovative ways and hone more discipline as I continue to attempt to lose weight. Thankfully I think I can find the strength to continue and eventually find myself being able to help people even now, but especially after I’m done with college.

– Sean McCrossin