Being Moldable

“Who am I becoming?”, is the question. My answer is, “I think I know. I’m still trying to figure out who I am right now!” Will I ever know who I’m becoming?

I was born and raised in Anchorage Alaska. I don’t miss Anchorage. I got tired of the, “Rinse and repeat.” process of my work and personal life. I got tired of the drama at the time and the bad memories from the past. I heard that the past will shape the future and that your choices will shape your future. I also heard that I’m bound to become my father. Interesting, I don’t even know the guy! It feels like I’m on MY own path. How do I know? It’s challenging, scary, uncertain, stressful, hopeful, joyful, and enjoyable. I’m a firm believer it the quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” I’m certain this path is the way to go, for me. I desire to be the person who you can’t help but say, “Damn, he’s top shelf!” I won’t get there by simply not putting in the work. I know I’ve spent very little time on this rock and I plan to stay a while. I’d very much like to tell stories to my future grandchildren.

I moved up here to Fairbanks to get a job and a college degree. I didn’t think I’d be getting so much more than that. I’m experiencing taxes! That’s wild huh? I’m experiencing adult responsibilities such as time management, money management, leadership skills, how to cook and bake, how to ask questions, how to stand up for myself, and I think one of the most important is when to say, “No.” I’m learning that life doesn’t let off when times get tough. Times get tough and you still have to show up day in and day out. I believe you can do that no problem but HOW you do reveals character. You can show up and rainy dark days and have a bad attitude and you can show up on bright days and be unapproachable. I’m learning how you live your life affects others around you. I don’t have to know the people around me very well for them to know I’m emotionally unavailable.

I make it a goal to add value to whomever I’m around. I encourage when you get coffee at a coffee shop, ask the barista, “How’s your day so far?” They’re human and have a soul, they matter! It doesn’t matter how bad of a day I’m having, I don’t need to share my misery with others. I’ll save them that. I’m not saying to suppress your emotions. I’m saying, “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” I’m saying everyone deserves to see my best day in and day out. I will, however, let people know that I’m not in the greatest mood or I’m feeling down so we’re not playing the guessing game for attention. Adding value to others and bringing them up when they’re down is my superpower. I’m still learning my superpower but the process is worth it! Where only on this rock for so long so why let people know you’re looking foward to the expiration date?

“I am not here for me, I am here for we, and we are here for them.” -Battalion Chief Fleagle, University Fire Department.

I understand we have to experience things to become a better person, however, it feels like most of them are rough. Good. Bring it on! Nothing grows in the comfort zone garden. So why not spend some time out in the wild and get a little dirty? Maybe get a bruse or two. The body will take care of itself but we have to take care of our brains. Me sleeping in, lounging on the couch, not paying attention in class, almost being late for work, eating unhealthy foods, and not drinking water is a sure way to not achieve excellence. Time to embrace the suck!

I will become who I set out to be. I just have to trust the process, put my head to the grindstone, and show up to do the work. I’m a very competitive person. I just have to be competitve in places that are uncomfotable, such as school! Nothing good comes easy….

I know I’m just one person out of billions. I believe my perpose is simply to make those around me brighter and stronger. A life of service is a life worth living. To love and cherish those around us and to love ones neighbor is the way to be in my book. We all are going through something so why not help eachother out? You’d be suprised how pessimistic our brains are. It for good reason, it’s built to keep us alive and protected. Have you ever thought, “Hmm, that’s probably not a good idea.” or, “I need water!”? Our brains take care of us so we can take care of others when they’re in need.

So who am I becoming? Your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.