WHO AM I BECOMING

Who am I becoming? Well, I will tell you momentarily, but first let’s visit who I was. My name is Keyda, or as my mother would call me KeKee. I was born to a single teenage mother living with her undiagnosed bipolar mother. My childhood innocence was short lived as when I was just 4 years old it was taken from me via SA. This would continue till I was 14. This was the catalyst to my years of substance misuse and promiscuity. I used at first to forget then it became fun, finally it was something I had to have to feel “normal’. At the tender age of 15 I found myself pregnant with my oldest son, this was my first shot at sobriety. I mean I had to for the sake of the baby growing inside of me, he deserved a chance. I made it 8 months as soon as he was born, I was back to using. The misuse continued till the next pregnancy which was 4 years later. I immediately became pregnant with my second son’s “Irish twin” sister they are 11 months apart. This was the height of my misuse as I was using several substances on a daily basis but somehow maintained a job and kept the kids safe. God was definitely on my side during this time. I was moving through life doing what society has always told us we were to do eat, work, sleep, repeat. I would eventually break free of the grips of the hard substances I was using to only use marijuana for the pain I was experiencing from the withdrawals. I then became pregnant with my last baby, another boy. He burst into this world via c-section in November of 2004. The doctors prescribed me Vicodin after the surgery and yep you guessed it, I became addicted and used for the next 7 years. 2011 was the last time I attempted to take my own life. I was done with the life of being addicted and saw no other way out. After a lengthy hospital stay, I was sent home with an updated diagnoses and a new lease on life. Although I still used one substance…marijuana. It would take a few more years to kick that habit. Come 2013 the biggest tragedy of my life would happen. My dear sweet second born would be tragically murdered at the tender age of 17. I was lost to say the least, I had no words and my ability to perform basic daily living tasks was nil. He was the child that needed me the most and as I soon realized I needed him too, more than I would ever know. I laid my boy to rest and through myself into auto pilot for the next 5 years. My then partner decided we needed to get out of Georgia as soon as possible, and we decided to move to Fairbanks. We landed here January 28, 2016, to start fresh and give my youngest a chance to grow up away from the turmoil of the big city. By 2018 I had decided that it was time to take my mental health more seriously and get therapy to properly mourn the loss of my son. I was at this point finally free from ALL substances and doing real work on myself to better my life. I worked with FRA for a few years then COVID hit, and the world shut down. That was a lot to handle for a recovering addict, being trapped in the house was so stressful as we all know. Fortunately, I was on a great medication regimen and practiced meditation daily. I was finally able to return to work and boom I fall and fracture my foot on the first day back to work. So, one day I’m sitting at home feeling super sorry for myself scrolling the Book when an ad goes by talking about peer support. Needless to say, I signed up and today I am the Lead Peer Support Professional-Supervisor for the mental health clinic I work for in town. I am now working towards my BSW and trying to be what this community needs to assist them in navigating the ups and downs of life. I am becoming the best version of myself there ever was I am happy, healthy, and married to the best partner on the planet.