Using Relationship Anarchy as a Framework for Surviving Capitalism

Revolutionizing Social Work Podcast w/Causha Spellman-Timmons

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There were quite a few things I wanted to address and talk about but I’m trying to keep this to a reasonable length.

First, I want to highlight this absolutely Golden Quote:

“Talking Circle flexes the critical thinking muscle and the ability to question information around you. That’s precisely what they don’t want happening in indigenous and black communities because the power we inherently hold in our DNA would be unparalleled and untamable,”

Chanel Spellman-Timmons

That quote is a reason to get into social work.

That quote gives me goosebumps.

What would happen? I think at this point, quite a few of us have realized the truth of this and the potential, but were still constantly being pulled and pushed down by society making it so much harder to build communities and accumulate this power into a unified force.

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One of the ways we can disrupt those systems is by using the wisdom that has been passed on by indigenous peoples. Professor Stettler uses the Talking Circle not only as the basis for how he teaches his courses, but also within his personal life. In my opinion, practices like this serve to disrupt the system in many ways but I’ll only mention two right now.

1. Apologizing to your children as a parent, or to your client as a social worker teaches children and reminds clients how to be accountable for their actions. It is a demonstration of vulnerability and love. All of us are subject to miscommunication and assumptions and need to be able to come back from making a mistake willing to listen.

2. People want someone to listen to them. This isn’t just the case for adults—specifically those that people assume don’t have anything to say, but also children. I agree with Professor Stettler that people incorrectly assume children don’t have things they want to talk about. There is this limitation placed on what a child is expected or allowed to feel. It’s important for us to open the lines of communication and teach children that their voices deserve to be heard.

Why does it have to be Us vs. Capitalism?

Capitalism says that you can’t do that. You can’t AFFORD to do that.

This creates an environment for the people that are doing this kind of work to burn themselves out. Not being able to pull back and work on your personal healing in order to address collective healing just continues the cycle of grief and loss. When we have to struggle everyday to ensure we have all of these things that really are basic rights—health, food, shelter—we are kept from healing. This is hugely disregarded in American Culture—even for the individuals doing this kind of emotionally exhausting work there is no framework for reprieve. Society demands that we have this sense of urgency and productivity but improving yourself and giving yourself grace are absent. Just like non-renewable resources, unregulated capitalism will eventually eat all of our motivation and passion.

So Relationship Anarchy?

Relationship Anarchy talks about building your relationships with people very intentionally, autonomously, and without a focus on hierarchy. This isn’t necessarily specific to romantic or physical relationships but really looks at it on a much larger scale. The relationships you develop with your doctor, or your boss, or your sibling, shouldn’t be subject to the influences of people or things it doesn’t involve. Causha brings up how these relationships where we hold space for each other to communicate directly about our needs and desires shouldn’t be limited to personal relationships; this type of communication needs to be present in all of our interactions. These relationships also operate better when they are free of power dynamics that reinforce a patriarchal hierarchy.

” How Can I Help”?

I want to wrap up by taking a quick look at the evolution of social works’ definition. Both parties talk about how we need to re-examine what it means to be a social worker. They focus on the concept of being able to ask the simple question, “How can I help”? The baseline of this industry is figuring out the best ways to help one another. However, I don’t think this question should be limited to social workers. This is the same baseline question that should be behind every politician, representative, EMT, and police officer. Until the individuals in position of power move from oppressive techniques and take actions out of compassion and a desire to help, we’ll continue being stuck with systems that do more harm than good.