I really hope y’all get a chance to listen to this particular episode of “The Critical Social Worker.” Mishon’s digital letter to her daughter was powerful, touching and encouraging. Her ability to survive her past, and in spite of her past, has been able to rise above and create an environment that is healthy and happy for herself, and her daughter.
Her outpouring of empathy for the future of her daughter, and all daughters was truly inspirational.
Empathy? Apathy? Sympathy?
Like Mishon, I am a deeply empathetic woman. She shares her story and how in her early years, her sense of empathy was unprotected and manipulated. Without boundaries. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The opposite could be apathy which is a lack of feeling or emotion. But within our sphere of Social Work, I lean more towards Sympathy as the antithesis to Empathy. Sympathy is when we might feel bad for someone, but we don’t understand how they feel.
I’m a Princess!!!
“I’m a princess. I’m a Princess! I’M A PRINCESS!!! – Mishon’s daughter is sitting in a wagon making this statement as a strong affirmation of who she is in this moment. There is no doubt on her sweet face. In fact, she is so certain that no one else would dare to doubt her either. She is a Superhero Princess. She is confident in whatever she decides to be in that moment. And don’t you DARE tell her otherwise! Affirmation of a child’s dreams gives them the strength to keep on dreaming, and to make those dreams come true.
Even when she wants to be an alien from another galaxy that learns all about Family. “Ohana means Family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.” (Quote from movie, “Lilo & Stitch,” June 16, 2002)
As far as Social Workers go in this day and age of empathy, apathy and sympathy, how do we, or can we relate to the dreams of the child within if we cannot acknowledge our own. I am a firm believer of keeping that inner child alive. And yes, I can still hear the “Toys R Us” jingle. And, probably always will. When we counsel our patients at the VA Mental Health, they provide all kinds of fun activities like making leather belts, painting, and even drumming! It is when we can reawaken that childlike hope that we can begin to rebuild from traumas, and make new dreams.
As adults, we still enjoy going to the park or sledding down a snowy hill. And sadly, wish we were small again so we could crawl through the tunnels at McDonalds until our knees were scraped raw and bleeding. If you deny that inner child, then it is probably time to sit down and find out what happened to him/her.
So what happens when as a child, your dreams are crushed? Twisted? Distorted? That as you mature, the rosey colored glasses you were wearing now have scratches and cracks? And scars? As adults we can seek therapy and hopefully find a way to survive. Children don’t have that luxury. When in abusive situations, children are trapped. They are convinced in most cases that it is their fault, and so they are unworthy of rescue. Not to mention ever learning to trust another parental figure for their protection.
Are you worthy?
Worth. Value. Wealth.
– Do we know our worth? Or do we keep searching for it?
– Do we know value? Or do we know waste?
– Do we know the wealth of family, friends and love that is eternal? Or do we grasp at an illusion?
I “know” I am valuable, worthy and wealthy in family and friends. But do I live and believe that way? Do I question my value, worth and wealth of life? YES! All the time! It is a constant internal struggle that me, myself and I, (along with a few others) must kick around until the truth might be finally revealed.
Truth? Or Almost Truth? There is no lie.
Truth is truth. A lie is a lie. But what is “Almost Truth?” When it comes to worth and value, there is a huge difference in believing the whole, actual truth with absolutely no shades of discrepancy. For example, I grew up left handed in a world where Right was right and Left was not right. It was a very subtle cultural imposition of what was believed to be right and wrong. However, when you carefully, and thoughtfully consider that “facts” of that belief, where is the truth? And what is the lie? As a lefty, my understanding was that this was something bad, was continually confirmed through society’s design of our USA roads, cars, and worst of all! Scissors! I was late into my twenties when I had one of those lightbulb epiphanies that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING LEFT HANDED!
Besides, if you watch a left or right handed person write?
Left handed people can see where they are going.
Right handed people can only see where they have been.
#jussayin
P.S. And Mishon? If you read this, forgive the below image inclusion. But when a mom needs a tissue watching the video you created for her because there is Love leaking out… let it flow, let it flow, let it flow! (wink wink)
Thank you Mishon for your open heart, for building the same within your daughter, and showing her the truth about rose colored glasses. END
Your Story. My Story. Our Story The Critical Social Worker podcast unfolds unique stories and diverse perspectives to foster critical dialogue, empathy, and understanding for all listeners. Through storytelling grounded in social work values, we aim to change ourselves and the world, one story at a time. Hosted by Christian Ace Stettler
In the another episode of The Critical Social Worker: A Revolutionary Storytelling Podcast, host Christian Ace Stettler connected with Michon Whiterose, a LCSW deeply rooted in Ahtna Athabascan heritage, for a dialogue that spanned a wide array of topics central to wellness, storytelling, and the intricate dance of navigating life’s challenges.
Neveah Reese
Keeping that inner child is so important. Important enough that part of our rubric for our blog is to tap into it! Without embracing it, or working towards it, the world is dull. I believe that having a young mother through my childhood was hard because of this. She was so caught up in taking care of her babies, that she didn’t stop to think about her own healing. As Whiterose and Stettler share, there is a way to heal this inner child with your children.
I loved this podcast and hearing Whiterose share her story was so grounding!
Michelle Dunham
Right?!?! I have found in most cases of therapy, many of our issues stem from the child within being traumatized or conditioned to react in later situations in some way or other.
The tricky part is resurrecting that inner child. Being their/our own advocate against the obstacles and challenges in front of a mountain worth climbing.
Christine Ryan
Mishon is the change she wants to see. She talked about generational trauma and the fact she was never able to reach a good spot with her mother before she passed. Mishon’s father shows up to her house to see her, you can feel the love and encouragement radiating from her father and embarrassing her. With each relationship that ends, she realizes her worth and what she is looking for. Mishon’s daughter seeing her mother choose the best and placing boundaries will help break the generational trauma and set a good example of self-worth.
I love your blog and that you showcased her empath side and how she now protects that. Her children are lucky to have a mother who will go to bat for them and also know her own worth.
Michelle Dunham
Her Father! Thank you for threading that into the post! That truly was a precious moment that spoke so deeply of their relationship. I almost cried myself and wished I had done the same for my own daughter. Although…. I still could. (wink wink) she absolutely hates it, and is so embarrassed when I talk about her regardless of what I actually say.
I finally told her, “Like it or Love it I will always want to talk about you! You are my daughter! My precious one! And besides, think about those who do not have a mother that loves them or wants to encourage and support? Let alone talk about them in any kind of positive light. Abandoned. Rejected. And so much worse. So! Let me talk about you and spread the love of my joy of being Your Mother!”
Josh Fine
I particularly liked this episode of the podcast. You appear to have really enjoyed it as well and gave a comprehensive breakdown of what Mishon had to say about what she believes as well as who she is as a person and provider. One section that spoke to me was Mishon’s explanation of her caseload. She noted that being expected to engage with 20-30 clients a week can be unfair; both to the provider and the client. This is something that I identify with strongly. I have a large caseload as I am currently the only individual in my role for the agency I am a part of, and I often find that if I allow myself to schedule more appointments than normal, the quality of the appointments may slip. Hearing an LCSW describe this issue and how it has to do with self-care as well, motivates me to be mindful of my time and to make sure I set aside time for myself so that I can better serve the population that I meet with. Keyda is a student in this class and is also the person that trained me for the position I hold now. She always says “You can’t pour from an empty glass,” in regards to serving others while your own needs are not met. Those words resonated throughout this episode, as well. Great blog entry, I really like how many pictures you included and will have to try that in my own in the future.
Michelle Dunham
Hi Josh! Thank you for threading in her story about the high caseload. I work at the VA in Mental Health and do all the scheduling. I cannot tell you how many we have had to turn away or refer out with a lengthy wait such as 4-6 months before they can receive any mental health assistance. It really breaks my heart that we don’t have the staff to cover the need. And yes, the staff we do have are overworked and underpaid.
This is where our chance to advocate within the political arena gets some fuel. The varied level of need within the health care system is at an all time critical high.
With our post-COVID society still experiencing the domino effect of systemic shutdowns, I could argue that mental health needs are greater than ever and increasing, as I can testify.
Annalee White
Michelle!
This blog hits home for me because not only do I have a son, but I also have two daughters and three younger sisters. Sometimes sharing our feelings and empathy can be scary and daunting, and not everyone is grateful for receiving it. I know from personal experience that sometimes you feel unworthy or on the back burner of being who you are, and sometimes you just need someone in your corner to say “You be you!”
Michelle Dunham
Are you a Princess too!!!! (wink wink)
Deandra Nicholai
Michelle, what a beautiful blog! You did an amazing job writing this and telling the story. It is very important to remember your inner child. Our inner child can heal our past traumas and I believe that because I have been through a whole lot. Thank you!