ELDER ABUSE
In a place far far away… a phone rings… ring… ring… ring…
RICK IAMOLD: Hello?
DAVID DOUCHEBAG: Yes, hello! My name is David. Is this Rick?
RICK IAMOLD:: Yes.
DAVID DOUCHEBAG: I have some incredible property located in Doesnotexist, Oregon that I am sure you would interested in investing in…(blah blah blah, blah blah)
DAVID DOUCHEBAG: Can I have your credit card number? This way we can secure your place and the rate we have quoted you…
RICK IAMOLD: Sure, let me get that for you. I have to get my glasses on here… (Rick provides the number)…
DAVID DOUCHEBAG: “Oh, and your bank account and routing numbers? This way we can confirm funding for your new property.”
RICK IAMOLD: Ok, that makes sense I guess? Here you go…
DAVID DOUCHEBAG: Please make sure you wait 3-5 days for the funds to clear and you will then receive the title to your new property!
Five days later, Rick checks his account to see if the funds have cleared and sees that his balance is zero dollars, when he had had over $20,000 in the account five days ago. And no title ever arrived in the mail.
How true is this story? Sadly, it is far too common. Our respected elders are being taken advantage of. My dad in North Pole, AK lost a large sum of cash in a similar situation before any of us could catch it. Dad is 80 and (now) no longer has control of his finances. We would find cash and checks in return envelopes of every type of request. Medical equipment would arrive in big boxes on the front porch that he didn’t need, nor remember ordering along with a bill that he had “agreed” to pay. We even had to change their home phone number because of the number of calls received from scammers that he would just agree with no questions asked.
Financial exploitation of the elderly or mentally incapacitated is in my personal opinion, the lowest form of abuse someone can perpetrate. And, I would probably argue, it is one of the most common. An article from AARP shows that the majority of financial losses are from someone the person knows. And, that nearly 20.5 billion are lost and never even reported. Probably due to embarassment, or no one to advocate for them.
ARTICLE: AARP. AARP reports over 28 billion dollars each year are stolen from US adults over the age of 60. 06/15/2023. https://press.aarp.org/2023-06-15-AARP-Report-Finds-28-Billion-a-Year-is-Stolen-from-US-Adults-Over-60
There are other forms of elder abuse that we as Social Workers should diligently be on the lookout for:
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Financial/material exploitation
- Neglect
- Abandonment
- Self-neglect
Most of these are self explanatory and need no further definition. I find it difficult to maintain my calm when I consider these depraved actions against our elders. The amount of despair and sense of helplessness our elders endure inflames the heart to bursting.
Is there anything we can do as a society to protect our elders?
How can we keep other douchebags from taking advantage of our families?
Who will advocate for them if we do not?!
ASSISTED LIVING
What I find sadly lacking in our American modern society is the familial bond. I believe most would agree this is a pivotal issue. Personally, if my parents had no other children in Alaska to care for them, I could not have left and moved south to Walla Walla, WA. Mom now had dementia, and dad just doesn’t remember very well. Scary moments where the stove is left on, or the eggs in the refrigerator expired over a month ago?
Countries such as Japan, China, Korea and Vietnam all have very deep roots of respect and care for their elderly. You won’t find many nursing homes or facilities for assisted living within those nations. It is expected that the elder would live with a family member. Anything less would be a disgrace on their whole family.
But look what we rich Americans have!!! We have a mom and dad that can work two jobs and still can’t keep up with their debt to income levels. And you want us to take care of our old people?! Fine! We can delegate money to someone else to take care of them! Then we can tell our politicians to make laws and rules and regulations for these facilities so we all know they are doing right by us! Right?
Unfortunately, assisted living facilities are NOT monitored by most States like Nursing Homes, nor do they generally employ Social Workers. This is where we can only hope that those that reside within are cognizant of their ability to advocate for themselves, or that they have family that will. I can only hope and pray when/if I reach an age where I cannot safely take care of myself, that my daughter will be there for me.
We have many assisted living facilities here in Walla Walla, WA. Many are very upscale, some are not. With our elderly population’s cap of fixed income, any funds they do have will go mainly towards their care and fees for other services such as rent, work out gym, and pools, etc. Wheatland Village assisted living facility in Walla Walla, WA prices out between $2500-$6500 a month.
Keep in mind how old you will be in the next 20 or 30 years. I am 56 right now, and in twenty years I can only hope my daughter still loves me enough to change my diapers. It’s only fair don’t you think? We should not be sending our parents into facilities if we are able to care for them. And, yes, as a disclaimer, if my elderly father were in a medical state where I was not qualified, then a nursing home would be the right choice.
If we really want to push our political leaders towards expanded elderly care, then we need to take some personal responsibility for our own. Let our leaders empower the family to be able to offer and provide care. Help our children understand the true value of our elders and what they offer to our WHOLE family.
(Google Search IMAGES: Elderly Abuse, Assisted Living)
Sean McCrossin
My mom is 58 and back in the day she was a computer wizard. Just this last year she was almost scammed for 200 dollars from a Nigerian scammer, possibly more. So it opened my eyes to see how technology has changed so rapidly that a lot of people in their years just cannot keep up. Someday I could fall victim to a scammer, but nobody actually knows. It’s like in Happy Gilmore where Happy’s grandma is being abused in a home by Ben Stiller in a fake moustache. I imagine he’s a lot like David in that way.
Michelle Dunham
I agree that my elder years may also see me targeted. However, “If it seems too good to be true. It probably is.” If they can pass the smell test, we shall see. I already absolutely refuse to engage with any telemarketers. If I want something, I will go look for it. “Don’t call me! I’ll call you!” Unfortunately telemarketers pray on the weak willed, gullible, and lesser cognisant. I am at least thankful my cell phone recognizes “Potential Spam” so I can easily ignore them! Now that is a smart phone!
Neveah Reese
Stories of elder abuse are some of the most disheartening things I have ever heard. Why would anyone want to inflict fear, pain, or stress on an older person? From stories I have heard through media, it seems as though another common way elder abuse happens is at the hands of their caregiver. This could be an in-home caregiver employee or staff at a facility, or worst of all, that elders loved one.
I plan to take care of my parents, as well as instill this expectation into my future children. Americans are plagued by the need of individual success and fail to see the utmost importance of community and strong family bonds.
Michelle Dunham
Well said Neveah. And yes, the physical abuses that our elders endure are beyond my scope of understanding. Just as I would never ever even contemplate kicking a puppy, abusing my elders is just as unimaginable. I just don’t get the “why” of some people’s actions, regardless of their upbringing.
I have been privy to stories of child and elder abuse. Some still would give me nightmares if I were unable to defend my own psyche. And I am still left asking the question and shaking my head in disbelief at the level of depravity and darkness a person can willingly walk in.
David Shelton
It’s disheartening to acknowledge the prevalence of elder abuse, particularly the financial exploitation highlighted in the blog post. Having worked in assisted living facilities for years before deciding to walk away, I’ve witnessed firsthand some concerning practices that made me question the quality of care. It’s a reality that I’ve even had to caution my children against placing me in such facilities when I reach a point where I can no longer care for myself. The things that occur behind closed doors are not always in the best interest of the residents, and I’ve personally felt compelled to report instances of misconduct to the state authorities.
Regarding the current state of assisted living facilities in the United States, I appreciate how this blog sheds light on the issues. Still, I can’t help but feel that abuse has almost become normalized within these environments. Despite efforts to improve oversight and regulation, significant gaps still allow such abuses to persist. It’s a troubling reality that requires urgent attention and systemic change.
To address the challenges faced by elderly individuals and their families, we need to foster more family connections and implement surveillance measures within these facilities. Strengthening familial bonds can support elders and ensure they’re not left vulnerable to exploitation or neglect. Additionally, increased surveillance can help deter abusive behavior and hold facilities accountable for the care they provide. We must prioritize the well-being and dignity of our elders and take proactive steps to safeguard their rights and safety.
Michelle Dunham
Yes David… it hurts to the core what some people do to others. The stronger taking advantage of the weaker. I can understand why you walked away. When we feel powerless as we bear witness gives us the opportunity to either do nothing, or let the seed of severe dissention against these actions to take root and grow into action.
We must however be cautious as we consider approaches to change; in that we don’t become ‘just like them’ in taking certain advantages and manipulating situations. Being gentle and shrewd is the key to our approaching this with any real foundation. Not just making new rules, regulations or laws that don’t do anything for anyone other than those who make them.
As you said, we need to strengthen the family unit above all. We should be pouring every resource we have into this goal alone. At the core of every situation we have seen or will see, THE FAMILY is where the answers and solutions will be.
Ben Woods
Hi there Michelle, what a heart-touching post. I work in the medical field and it’s aggravating how much neglect goes on in the elderly community, not only from families but from care facilities. There are countless stories of, “This could have been prevented.”, and, “Why didn’t they…?” Seeing this makes me scared of getting old, however, I have the opportunity to set myself up for when I hit that age. What aggravates me the most is the staff at these care facilities and or nursing homes. I will give him props and say most do a fine job and take care of the elderly but there are few who don’t take care of them well. I wouldn’t want my family to be taken care of by them. I’d either quit my job or find another job that would compliment my dedication to the care of my elders. They took care of me when I was young and now it’s my time to return the favor.
Michelle Dunham
Why should any of us fear getting older? (insert sarcasm here); with some areas within politics lowering standards and expectations of health for the elderly, because, in essence, they see caring for our elders as a “bad investment.” In the contrary, they are our GREATEST investment.
Robi Naranjo
Thanks for sharing your personal story about your dad,I have a friend in a nursing home that was assaulted and it is an issue that needs more attention, and systemically, our American culture doesn’t seem to value the elderly and so fast paced there has to be people that are advocating and paying attention.
Michelle Dunham
Agreed Robi. I fear for our own culture. This class has really given me a much broader perspective when studying indigenous cultures. As someone raised in the mid-western/Greek(ish) philosophies, the more I learn about other cultures, the more I realize I don’t really have much of a culture of my own. Maybe that is a part of our systemic problem? I feel like I have lost a part of my identity not knowing the roots I was grown from.
Sammy Rivera Munoz
I totally agree with you Michelle, taking advantage of the elderly has to be the lowest form of abuse someone can perpetrate. My grandma has been to the border of getting scammed multiple times, by email, phone calls, text, and websites, mostly in some sort of way that involves technology. People who do this for a living don’t have a heart and deserve all the bad karma that comes their way.
I feel we all know or have heard of an elder being abused in any way, and that’s just not right. As you mentioned, other cultures seem to value our elders more, but American culture does not so much. Something has to be done, and social workers will definitely be able to contribute to change.
Michelle Dunham
Agreed Sammy! They will get their comeuppance!
Jaelynn Anderson
I think most of us have seen elder abuse among our own family or friends. Personally, it happened to my grandma via Facebook. She thought she was chatting with her new boyfriend who was going to visit her one summer. Then all of a sudden his flight got cancelled and he needed her to send money over Cash App. What elderly person uses Cash App? My whole family knew it was a scam from the start but it was nice seeing her happy. Once money was introduced in their messages we stopped her from going any further with the “relationship.” I can’t imagine the frustration we would endure if she was scammed. This happens way too often and it would be incredibly difficult to stop it completely. For now, the only thing we can do is love our elders and take care of them as much as possible.
Side note: I appreciate the creativity of your blog post. It made for an easy read.
Deandra Nicholai
This breaks my heart hearing the stories of elders getting abused and being treated the way that shouldn’t be treated. In our Yup’ik communities, I know that there is at least one family member who lives with the elder(s) in their families. In my paternal family’s side, before my great grandma passed, my uncle stayed behind after he graduated from high school to take care of our great grandma. He was given many opportunities to further his education, but he turn them down to take care of our 98 year old grandma. I hope the world gains a heart just like my uncle.