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Growing up, I did not always get to experience Christmas in the same conventional ways that other kids got to experience it. I would see my classmates come back from break with new clothes, toys, gifts, etc. Yet Christmas for me was an entirely different experience.
I grew up in poverty. I was raised by a single mom, who was going to school and had to work a lot of hours just to survive with me and my two siblings. We saw our dad every other weekend, but he seemed to turn a blind eye to the somewhat clear signs of financial distress (likely because he and our mom could not put away their differences long enough). I didn’t get to have a “real” Christmas when I was child. Where other children got gifts, we got the heat turned on for the day or we would get the privilege of “real food” for our Christmas.
When I was a child, I sometimes felt angry, but I was often confused and frustrated because I did not understand why people chose to treat us differently simply because we were poor. I wanted to have what I perceived to be a “normal” Christmas, like my classmates. Yet what I didn’t get in the form of gifts, I received in the form of the bonds that I got to share with my family. Being huddled around a heat vent on Christmas is no one’s version of “ideal”, but it did cause my family and I to grow closer together for the holidays. Even now, looking back on this as an adult, I do not look back on this (rather sad) memory with anger, but instead with gratitude, because I learned something valuable that the vast majority of my peers would never understand.
As we reviewed the course materials this week I found a lot that resonated with me in the course content. In watching the Chronixx music video, there is a line that says:
“See you give presents to other pickney, is it because we don’t have no chimney?”
Chronixx – Santa Claus, Do you Ever Come to the Ghetto?
(Chronixx video from the course materials, referenced above)
Though I may not be from “the ghetto”, I did experience marginalization because of the poverty in which I grew up. While my peers received gifts for Christmas, I didn’t get material possessions during the holiday season. I knew, and my peers made sure that I was aware, that I was separate from them and I was ostracized for it. They made fun of my clothes because I wore the same ones often, or where the bus dropped me off, or the fact that I did not have a pair of warm boots, and often went to school with wet shoes from walking through the snow to get to the bus stop with my little brother in the dark.
What I find to be curious is that a holiday that is meant to bring people together has caused them instead to be divided, purely based on their income, the possessions they own, or the resources that are available to their families. Growing up I learned earlier on that Christmas is perceived (but people pretend it isn’t) by most to be a materialistic holiday.
Looking back on my memories and reflecting on the lives of others that are involved in my life, and even looking at the way that I treat the holidays, I am able to perceive the capitalist nature of the Christmas spirit. Instead of offering experiences or bonding opportunities for the ones we love, we instead buy them objects which they could often times buy themselves.
When I think about this aspect, it makes me wonder at times what does Christmas really mean? If you are of the Christian faith, it is about the birth of Christ. If you are a pagan, celebrating Christmas originally meant the celebration of the birth of the sun. Other faiths and ideologies have similar ideas or practices for the holiday season. Even for the Agnostics and Atheists of the world, the Christmas season is still a time where you could celebrate the holiday season with your loved ones and show them that you love and care for them.
While I feel that this was the origin intention of the holiday, this image has been deeply distorted over time in order to promote a consumerism-based holiday. No longer is the Christmas season about celebrating the holiday for your spiritual beliefs or using it as a time to share your love with your family, or even catching up on some well deserved rest. Instead, the holiday season has become a time to show how much you love and know someone by what you buy them.
According to the related article in the course material, the origins of Christmas in the consumer sense could be inspired by Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas was a Christian saint who gave gifts to others and advocated for the poor. Further, the elements of gift-giving are present even as far back as the story of Christ’s birth, in which the Three Wise Men gave gifts to baby Jesus.
While the elements of gift-giving for the Christmas season have been present since it’s origins, turning this element of gift-giving and making it the focus of the holiday can be traced to the early 1800’s. It was during this time that the image of Santa Claus, a large, jolly man with a large white beard, became more prevalent. While this practice started in the early 1800’s, the image really took off in the 1930’s when Coca-Cola decided to use the image of Santa as being an icon for their product.
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This element of using Christmas for the use of promoting consumerism has progressed throughout time, wherein other companies and celebrities have endorsed products, highlighting that the products are relevant to the holiday. For example, Snoop Dogg narrating “a Christmas tale”, with the intent of advertising and promoting Pepsi Maxx.
(Commercial staring Snoop Dogg, using the holiday season to promote Pepsi Maxx)
Another example of utilizing celebrities to promote consumerism for Christmas is exemplified in the video below, where Cheech and Chong share the story of Santa Claus and His Old Lady (sort of a poverty version retelling of a Christmas story). The truth is, this is one of the things my dad would play for us as kids in the car each year, and I still think it is funny. Enjoy!
Over time, people have not grown to appreciate gifts given to them during the holiday season, but rather, they expect them. Instead of encouraging children to “be good” so that Santa will bring them gifts, children and adults alike will frequently make their Christmas lists ahead of time of both what gifts they hope to receive and to give.
Charity and compassion is something that should be shown at all times, not just during the holiday season in the form of gifts. In fact, this mindset of Christmas being surrounded by gift-giving only serves to elevate those of financial means and to trod upon those without the financial means needed to “properly” celebrate the holiday season.
While it may sound like I am jaded, it is not that I am jaded towards the holiday. I love Christmas, but my love for the holiday is not for the gifts. My love for Christmas is that it brings me and my family closer together. Yes, we buy each other gifts, but not because we feel that we have to. We buy each other gifts because now we are not in a position of poverty. We are in a position to “spoil” each other and surprise each other for the holiday season. While gift-giving is a part of our Christmas, it is not about the gifts themselves, but really the celebration that we have achieved a better quality of life than the means in which we grew up.
All of that aside, the gifts are not the meaning of Christmas to me. Nor is it about the celebration of Jesus’ birth. For me, the Christmas season is a time to bring together the family, share the love we have for each other, and to make good food and build new memories together. I think that this is the “true meaning” of Christmas, for me at least. Yet I firmly believe that we need to redefine Christmas in a meaning that is more related to the relationships someone shares, rather than the belongings that they can buy for someone.
Finally, I’ll end with the clip below from a beloved Christmas movie, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the Jim Carey version from 2000). Fair warning, the quality is not my favorite, but this was sort of a challenge to find, surprisingly!
Mindy Haley
Being a single parent must be exceedingly difficult, and growing up in the care of a single parent sounds like it was not easy, either. It is understandable that you were hurt when your classmates talked about your clothes or lack of Christmas junk when you returned to school in January.
At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark movie script, I think the ones that only find value in the “things” ought to be pitied. I have mental images of kids whose parents don’t want to spend any time with them, or don’t know anything about their interests and instead throw money and gifts at the problem. Material possessions are meaningless compared to the love and dedication of a parent who works tirelessly to turn on the heat, even if it can’t be on every single day. Money is no substitution for connection.
I’m happy for you that you’ve found a way to create meaning for yourself and your family during this tough time of year. One of the reasons I personally cling to this holiday so much is the fact that winters in Alaska (especially Fairbanks and places further north!) are so long, dark, and depressing. Winter sports, happy lights, and sheer determination can get you through the worst of it, but having some holiday traditions and festive scenery makes the time fly even faster for me.
Ariel Oviatt
Mindy,
It was challenging for our mom during those times, and it was challenging being the eldest child because many responsibilities fell to me when she was gone. That said, I agree with your comment about money not being any substitution for connection, and of course in my youth I was envious and angry (always trying to defend myself from these other kids). As an adult who works with communities who are vastly underprivileged, I can reflect on their behavior (and mine) in a much different way, now. I can reframe these adverse experiences now, and instead of seeing them as disadvantages, they become advantages in understanding the population I work with.
I forgot that you guys have all of those days of night up there! I can imagine that it would be really challenging to maintain joy and a festive attitude if it were dark for so much of the day. There are parts of the holiday season I enjoy – to be clear 🙂 I love the lights, hot chocolate, and spending time with my family. I appreciate your point though, because it is a perspective I hadn’t previously considered since I do not live up there.
If I need to send you any sunny photos, I’ll gladly do so to help you get through!
Olivia Taylor
Thank you for being so Candid and genuine in your blog about your experiences around Christmas. I think that your reflection on your adversities shows that you have matured and learned a lot. It is well known many that who have these adversities will be able to have more empathic responses. I myself did not receive presents around Christmas like the other kids did in school. Nor was I able to participate in any activities during the Christmas school break like the other kids and at the time it seemed like the end of the world to me, but in hindsight, I am happy that I was not doing everything that everyone else was because it gave me a different point of view and values. Thank you for having this point of view and understanding the consumerism and segregation correlated to Christmas. I enjoy the holidays simply because I get a break from work and I ignore them. Last year I did not even know it was Christmas Day, and for some odd reason I was proud of myself.
Ariel Oviatt
Hey Olivia,
I think it is so important that those of us who experienced Christmas in ways such as this come together and support one another. To reference the Podcast this week, it builds a kinship in itself because we do not have to explain ourselves to one another, we just “get it”. I agree wholeheartedly; we might not have had all of the things we wanted but we had most of what we needed, and we can look back on it now and value it because it made us more empathetic adults.
I am glad that you were able to take the day to rest because no matter what, self care and rest is more important than spending money on things people will throw away in six months.
Myah Sundby
Hi Ariel! Your post exudes authenticity, raw emotion, and sheer beauty. I truly appreciate the unfiltered honesty woven into your writing. It’s incredibly meaningful to witness someone questioning and challenging the mainstream, capitalist-driven focus on Christmas. I’ve always been wary of the overwhelming emphasis on presents. My own Christmas experiences were tainted by my mother’s bipolar disorder, which turned the holiday into a never-ending shopping spree. It was exhausting and often left us feeling like we could never get it right.
On a brighter note, your post reminded me of the joy found in the simple pleasures of old Christmas movies, decorating the tree with cherished ornaments, and spending the evening with family, good food, and goofy board games. Your personal experiences shared throughout the post resonated with me deeply. It spoke to the kind of holiday experience I’m striving to create and establish now that I’m married and have a say in how we celebrate.
Thank you for sharing your fantastic blog. I must say, it’s beautifully designed with its vibrant colors, engaging photos, well-placed humorous touches, and even enjoyable videos. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Ariel Oviatt
Hello Myah,
I am so glad that you enjoyed it! I kind of let the OCD take over when crafting the colors and such – which can both be beneficial and not at the same time.
Having a parent struggling to manage the symptoms of a mental illness around an already stressful holiday that can exacerbate the symptoms of that mental illness must have been even more difficult.
I hang on to the small things I did have because small or not, they are important and they are the things that “stuck”, so to speak. I got married in January of this year, so I completely understand what you mean about crafting a holiday for your own family that resembles more of what you wanted out of that – that embodies more gratitude and meaningful interactions with those we care about and love as opposed to buying cheap (or not so cheap if we are talking about the price of food) garbage. That resonates with me, greatly. I’m glad I could add some levity to the holiday for you.
Danni Reuter
I really appreciate your honesty in your blog. That must have been difficult as a child, but I love the way you view it now. This Christmas is going to be difficult for my children, as I’m a single mother now. I will not be able to afford them the Christmas that they are used to. I hope that despite that I cannot financially provide a great Christmas that we will be able to focus on more time together.